The Gay Wedding Experience

As you’ve probably read, Vinnie will be unable to participate in the wedding party or attend the wedding in Mexico. What you don’t know is the reason. Our dear actor friend (you can read his blog here) was recently hired as an entertainer on a cruise ship. He will be leaving next month and will be gone for a year.

This leaves us with two options:  Replace Vinnie and have an even wedding party or not replace Vinnie and have an uneven wedding party.  

Tom and I have our own feelings about the idea of replacing Vinnie, but I was curious to see what the World Wide Web had to say. Let me just begin with the fact that it is amazing how little there is on this question. I mean strictly for the “worst case scenario” factor, I would have thought there would have been more information on this topic for wedding planning grooms and bridgegrooms like Tom and myself. But there isn’t a lot out there. The few things I did find said it was absolutely fine to replace an attendant. A few web threads even went as far as to offer suggestions on how to fit the new person in the previous attendant’s clothing  or offering suggestions on how to coordinate last minute clothing options – should the body types be so different that they could not be adjusted in time for the big ceremony.  But this is not something we would like to do. Why? A few reasons:

Reason 1: If I was asked to be in a wedding because the couple’s first choice couldn’t do it anymore, I would feel just awful. Talk about being a “back-up!”  I mean, think about it, no-one wants to be selected to stand up with you on your big day just because your first choice fell through for whatever reason. What a horrible position in which to place your “friend.”  I don’t care if my wedding is uneven and we have one less person on one side than the other – it just isn’t right.

This leads me to reason 2: NO-ONE could replace Vinnie.  

A lot goes in to deciding who will stand up there with you on one of the most important days of your life.  And for Tom and I who have been together 9 years… in all honesty…sides do not matter. Vinnie is just as much on my side as he is Toms. He is someone I consider to be as close to me as a brother would be. He has seen me in my best, he has seen me in my worst. In 2002 & 2009, Vinnie took time out of his schedule to celebrate both of my graduations, beaming with pride as I marched across the stage at Avery Fischer Hall and though the doors of the arena at Madison Square Garden. We have marched in gay pride parades up and down the east coast, cried and laughed together during Broadway shows, and celebrated countless holidays, birthdays and game nights together.  He helped Tom pick out my engagement ring and even allowed our engagement to be the shining moment of Tom and Vinnie’s last show ever.   In 2003, Vinnie even traveled to NC to be with me on one of the saddest days of my life: The day my grandmother was buried. So you know what – No.  Vinnie could never be replaced. Not for this wedding party or for any other reason.  

And while I am sad that he will not be in Mexico to share in our ceremony, I am more sad that I will miss my brother during the upcoming year. There will only be 2 out of 3 Bruces now since our third Bruce will be at sea. But I am really glad he is going too… He deserves this gig. He really does. And this time – I am beaming with pride for him. I love you Vinnie! See you on the cruise!

Brian
The Bridegroom