The Gay Wedding Experience

Many who have organized an International destination wedding have said the state-based civil ceremony is no big whoop — a technicality. But for those who cannot be legally bound in their native state, there is significance in two people, in love, forced to cross state lines to be able to do what others have done freely for centuries.

As Brian and Tom prepared for their Puerto Vallarta nuptials, I had secretly wondered how they would work out the civil ceremony logistics. As I see it, there are several reasons why the civil ceremony calls for us to pause and celebrate.

As a member of the wedding party, I wanted to remain supportive and not impress my views on the topic. As such, I was mum on the topic until asked to be a part of Brian and Tom’s Excellent (Connecticut) Wedventure.

On Tuesday, September 7th, as I stood on the steps of the New Haven City Hall, I thought back to when Tom and Brian first dated. I thought how then, ten years ago, this ceremony was not even possible for gay Americans in any state. I thought of the hurdles and triumphs Brian and Tom have endured as a couple – the trials and tribulations all couples, regardless of sexual orientation, face. I was awash with the countless poignant and merry moments Tom, Brian and our friends have shared over the years.

And so it’s no surprise that, as the photographer summoned us for a group shot just outside the Vital Statistics office, I paused and I celebrated. There stood Roseanne, Tom, Brian, Christina and David in a line, emoting various shades of excitement, nervousness and joy. We were about to witness Brian and Tom’s commitment, as recognized by the state of Connecticut. I was moved to tears.

Moments later we gathered around Brian and Tom, representing all the friends and family who were with us in spirit as the kind justice of the peace, Barbara, led the service.  The ceremony was sweeter and more intimate than I imagined. Soon after we were toasting with champagne and the best lemon cake across the street on the City Green, and eventually dining on various cheese plates at Caseus. (Any occasion celebrated with a grilled cheese is a classy occasion in my book!)

As a gal who still does fist pumps for the Suffragists every time I vote, I found myself proud to be a Connecticut resident on Tuesday. I am so grateful to not only to have been a part of this special day, I am also grateful to reside in a state where Tom and Brian could wed. I look forward to the day when crossing state lines to wed is not a necessity, it’s a preference. Perhaps then, maybe, civil ceremonies will become a little passé for all.

Anne
The Wedding Party