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    Quote of the Week: Liz Feldman

    Recently, there has been a quote popping up all over Facebook from comedian/producer/writer/actress, Liz Feldman. Feldman is known from her After Ellen vlog entitled “This Just Out,” has four Emmy’s for her work on the Ellen Degenerous Show and is currently a writer/producer for Hot In Cleveland.

    If you haven’t seen this quote yet, I am glad to be bringing it to you. It’s pretty awesome! Photos courtesy of FB and TheLizFeldman.com

    Brian
    The Bridegroom

    Comments

    Comment from PainterWoman
    Time June 14, 2011 at 4:18 am

    May I post the poster at Facebook?

    Comment from Ema
    Time October 7, 2011 at 12:29 am

    When I ate lunch today I ate not a shoe, but food, the way God intended.

    Comment from Kreyket
    Time October 8, 2011 at 10:27 am

    If you want to eat shoes, you can. I’m not stopping you, but pics or it didn’t happen !

    Comment from Ema
    Time October 10, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Read that again, I said NOT a shoe. If I do I’ll post the pics, but I still won’t call a shoe “food” Just like I won’t call a life long commitment to a person of the same sex a “marriage”

    Comment from Brian
    Time October 10, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Ema, I’m gay, the way God intended. I am also LEGALLY married to my same-sex partner. So, whether you call it a marriage or not, that really doesn’t matter because it is one. Why are you even on this site if you are so opposed to same-sex marriage?

    Comment from Ema
    Time October 14, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    I have no doubt that you are made in the image and likeness of God and are gay, exactly the way God intended. And God intended a marriage to be a union between a man and a woman and open to life. The only reason the state feels the need to legislate marriage is because of the children marriage produces. The state doesn’t bother with any other relationships why should it take so much time bothering with a relationship that can not produce offspring. The state isn’t trying to play favorites it’s just trying to protect the rights of children. With all do respect, why such a push to use this term for a God instituted sacrament to describe your relationship?

    Comment from Brian
    Time October 15, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Man created marriage. A marriage is a contract. It is also a civil rights issue. God does not have to have anything to do with it. In many marriages God has nothing to do with it. Including mine.

    As for your argument that the state should not bother with relationships that do not produce offspring, that is ridiculous. What about straight couples that cannot produce children – does that mean the state should intervene and not allow them to marry? My guess is you will say no….

    Change is here. More change is coming – thanks to all of the children of both the heterosexual and homosexual orientation who vote. Sooner or later, marriage for same-sex couples will be as legal and recognized as marriage has traditionally been for heterosexual couples throughout this country.

    Comment from Georgia
    Time October 15, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Hi Emma.

    I am a woman. Married to a man. I was told at a very young age that there was a good chance I could not have children. Does this mean I should not have been allowed to get married??! I mean if marriage is only about producing offspring then I guess all of us men and women who are infertile or have trouble conceiving are totally screwed. Perhaps you should check back with God and the government and then get back to me on whether or not I’m “married’. I mean, as a good Christian, I’m sure you would never pass judgement based on ignorance a bigotry… And then go to a GAY website to post your views about it. That would just be silly.. Oh, and not tolerant OR forgiving …. Which you obviously are.

    Comment from Kristina
    Time October 15, 2011 at 10:30 am

    I agree, whole heartedly with Brian. Marriage was created by man and many marriages (and as a wedding photographer I see a lot, both gay and straight) have nothing at all to do with God.

    Obviously you are welcome to your opinion and while I’m confused as to why you posted it here on a gay marriage blog, I’m glad you did. It’s a reminder of why what Brian is doing here on this site is so very important.

    So thanks, Ema. And thank you, Brian.

    Xo,
    K

    Comment from Ema
    Time October 15, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Thank you all for responding to my comment. I am learning. That is my reason for coming to this site, to learn. Marriage is in fact instituted by God. I was simply pointing out that the reason the state feels the needs to legitimize some human relationships and not others is to preserve the rights of children. I did not say that only couples who can have children can get married. My question is “Marriage” was defined thousands of years ago. Brian, you say that God has nothing to do with it and it is a civil rights issue, why don’t you give it a different name? Georgia, I thought the best place to get the answer to my question would be here. How is asking a question being judgmental, a bigot, silly, intolerant and unforgiving?

    Comment from Georgia
    Time October 15, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Emma, you did not come here to learn. You came on the site to make a small minded, tasteless comment assuming no one would confront you about it. Now you are trying to backtrack. Had you come here with a genuine question you surely would not have been met with such resistance.

    You remain, in MY eyes, a bigot.

    There is plenty to learn, you just have to be open to it. Marriage either is or is not. What does religion have to do with it?! Two men in a monogamous relationship os no different than a man and a woman in a monogamous relationship. They love, they fight, they worry about fidelity, they talk about having families, they do everything exactly the same. Why should one be granted legal rights and another not?!

    Reading your comments makes me feel nothing but sadness for you… What a small, sad life you must live. Not being open to accepting an idea and then finding a forum where you feel the need to express those ideas in a way that will do nothing but offend the entire purpose of that forum. Does that make you feel good? Do you feel righteous for “illuminating” us on why everyone who goes to this site to celebrate love if obviously wrong? Does putting people you don’t know down make you feel better about yourself? All from the safety of the Internet where you’ll never have to work up the courage to actually confront anyone….. Bravo Emma! Shoes are not food, indeed!

    Comment from Brian
    Time October 15, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    “Marriage is in fact instituted by God.” This is not true at all. God did not create or rather “institute” marriage, man did. And the Church should not determine legal policy.

    Some Christian’s may believe that a marriage of two people is holy and religious, and it can be. However, when you get down to the core of what a marriage is – it is a piece of paper issued by the government giving you and your spouse a whole lot of rights. This leads me to your next point. You ask why I cant give it a different name – which translates to me as “Why can’t you settle for less?” Well, that would mean that I am not equal to you, that I am less than you – that you and other heterosexuals are superior because you get the real deal and I get the generic or worse- the fake. Separate but equal is not equal. That’s discrimination. High school history taught us that. Luckily this is changing state by state.

    Comment from Ema
    Time October 15, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    Thank you Brian for directly addressing my question. I am beginning to understand. Not agree but understand. Georgia, you have done nothing but insult me and call me names. Who did I put down, who did I call names? Isn’t this site for people to have civilize conversations?
    You talk about love, and I have no doubt that you love your partners. I just think that love is so much richer when you know the author of love, God. I know that many couples, straight and gay do not have God in their marriages.
    I agree the Church should not and does not determine legal policy.
    Brian you say that marriage is just an invention of man. How could one invention of man be so superior to some other invention of man? Also you said marriage is just a piece a paper, why go for it anyway? You don’t have any more rights with that paper as you would without. Any good lawyer could get you and your partner all those rights and more.
    Brian, when did you and God part ways?

    Comment from Georgia
    Time October 15, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    “when I ate lunch today I ate not a shoe, but food, the way God intended.”

    Emma, dear, if you think for a moment that you can hide from the intolerant and passive aggressive comment that spark this entire debate, then you are sadly mistaken.

    I am no more offending you then you are offending Brian by telling him he should not be married. Also- why would you assume he is not Christian and that they have “parted ways”?

    Since religion seems to be the real topic here, and you obviously tote the bible as fact.. Is the Jesus you pray to blind haired and blue eyed? If so, you may want to reread the passage that compares his hair to sheep’s wool.

    I am angry because it’s mentalities like yours that get kids beat up at school. It’s assumptions that are passed on generation to generation that breed hate and create bullies.

    You should be ashamed of yourself to even pretending that you are attempting to hold and open and sincere conversation with Brian (or anyone) about gay marriage.

    Comment from Brian
    Time October 15, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    Ema;

    You stated that marriage was created by God. I was merely correcting you. I have no idea what you are attempting to mean with this question, “How could one invention of man be so superior to some other invention of man?” I never said one “invention” was superior to another. If “marriage” is the “invention” you mean to imply, I never said one was superior – you did but stating that gay marriage is not actual “marriage.”

    Re: “Also you said marriage is just a piece a paper, why go for it anyway? You don’t have any more rights with that paper as you would without. Any good lawyer could get you and your partner all those rights and more.”

    This is not true at all. Your complete lack of knowledge as to the rights you have (that LGBT couples don’t) just goes to show you how heterosexual couples like yourself take for granted the rights you have when you get married. The mere flippant idea you propose – you know, that a lawyer can award us the rights we seek without being married is simply not true and completely unsupported. Now, in the off chance that you are not completely fucking with me here and really are just trying to have a open conversation about this (although I happen to agree with Georgia), let me provide you some insight so you can achieve a deeper valued understanding…

    Did you know that couples who are not married, who aren’t a (legal) “family” have been denied visitation to their lovers in the hospital? Or have been denied benefits of their spouse’s pension, inheritance, bereavement leave from their jobs, the ability to bury their partners and carry out their wishes, obtain child custody, domestic violence protection, insurance breaks, immunity from testifying against a spouse in court, the ability to make medical decisions on behalf of their partners, acquire sick leave for the care of their partners, visitation rights to a partner’s children during care in hospitals, and this is just to name a few!!! Then there are the economic benefits….. Even those of us who have legal recognition in states in this country thanks to the support of gay marriage, still are not prone to the 1100+ federal rights you have because you can marry a person of the opposite sex/ Tom and I have to check the “single” box for healthcare forms, tax forms, etc. It’s a slap in the face. To educate and enlighten yourself further, I suggest you simply Google.

    And sure – for some of these , I could hire a lawyer and file a claim to visit my lover in the hospital for example. My hope would be that by the time I am awarded visitation, if I ever were, my partner would still be alive. Do you see how ridiculous this is? How discriminatory that is? How horrific? And it HAPPENS! Here is an example of a case in Florida in 2009: http://blog.mattalgren.com/2009/09/hospital-forces-lesbian-to-die-alone/#.TppJc5xSnbA.

    Finally, why my marriage?

    If you have taken the time to look at this website beyond this one post, I’m sure you have come to see that Tom and I have been together over 10 years. You would have seen our love first hand, read about our histories, and learned that as any other couple, straight or gay, we are committed to one another and wanted what other couples want – to get married. This website was created for the sole reason to express our wedding planning experience for our friends and family and other gay couples looking for guidance in the off chance they could find it helpful because there aren’t a whole lot of sites out there providing that information for newly enGAYged couples. That paired with the rights above – You better believe I want a real marriage! It is more than piece of paper -it is RIGHTS, which is the main point I have been trying to make to you. I want equality. Seperate but equal is not equal and I deserve the same rights and protections from my marriage afforded to you. What it is NOT is RELIGIOUS. If you agree that the church should not determine policy – then I’m confused as to why you are even arguing this…. Especially since religion is what leads you to your views.

    As for God and me – it is people of God like you that make me uneasy with religion. God as nothing to do with that. People who hate, people who kill and beat others in the name of the Bible and God, you know, “Bullies for Christ” do. I am not necessarily calling you a bully… but you are definitely prejudice. For you – I feel sorry. And I am thankful that this is something you will never have to deal with. You should feel “blessed.”

    Comment from Brian
    Time October 15, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    By the way, “Ema,” (if that is even your real name…. after all your email listed is emanekaf@att.net and I couldn’t help but notice that EmaNekaf = FakeName) you never directly addressed my question… What brought you this site anyway? It’s strange that someone with your views would even be reading it much less commenting. It does appear like you are merely trying to cause some trouble.

    Comment from Ema
    Time October 17, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    This is the definition of marriage in our Church, with which most Christian marriages would agree.
    ARTICLE 7
    THE SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY
    1601 “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.”84
    ( a sacrament is a sign, instituted by Christ to give grace)
    I. MARRIAGE IN GOD’S PLAN
    1602 Sacred Scripture begins with the creation of man and woman in the image and likeness of God and concludes with a vision of “the wedding-feast of the Lamb.”85 Scripture speaks throughout of marriage and its “mystery,” its institution and the meaning God has given it, its origin and its end, its various realizations throughout the history of salvation, the difficulties arising from sin and its renewal “in the Lord” in the New Covenant of Christ and the Church.
    Brian’s definition of marriage: a marriage is – it is a piece of paper issued by the government giving you and your spouse a whole lot of rights
    It sounds like we are taking about two completely different things.
    A marriage is so much more than a paper and rights. Your definition sounds like (to put in in your words) the generic or worse- the fake. I’m trying to preserve something sacred, holy and very dear to my heart. Maybe I should be the one who is offended.
    I’m not blaming the Gay community for cheapening the definition of marriage. That happened about the time of the sexual revolution the time that contraception came on the scene. The marital “act” is for unitive and procreative purposes, (and God threw in the added bonus, pleasure). Those two components work together like the blades of a pair of scissors, you take one blade away the scissors are unable to do what they are meant to do. Contraception takes the procreative component away from the act and that cheapens it. The sexual revolution took both components away and said it was for pleasure only and reduced it to a mere bodily function. As a result our society sees little value in marriage. Therefore divorce rate skyrocketed, single parenting became more and more prevalent. That is not good for society. Statistics will show you that children raised by a single parent are more likely to end up in jail than a child raised by both biological parents. Of course there are many children who are able to rise above the overwhelming odds against them, after all, President Obama was raised by a single mother. But statistics show that 70% of inmates in state juvenile detention centers serving long-term sentences were raised by single mothers 72% of juvenile murders, 60% of rapists, 70% of teen births, dropout, runaways, suicides, juvenile delinquents are raised by single mothers, this is not good for society and is a huge burden to the state. Thus the reason the state needs to legislate marriage, to protect the rights of children. And protect society from these bad results. The state creates laws that encourage marriage, because marriage is good for society. Gay marriage might be good for the couple, but how is it good for society?
    For most religious people Marriage is a sacrament, as with every sacrament it is something that makes us holy, closer to God, and ultimately helps us get to heaven. The state doesn’t legislate baptism or bar mitzvahs, only marriage, why? Because of it’s potential to produce children.
    Perhaps the solution is a little more separation of Church and state. Maybe the state shouldn’t be in the marriage business at all. The state can issue legal contracts between two committed people and those who want a religious, sacramental union can proceed to the Church and get that.( Just a thought.)
    I guess you’re right, I could have googled for information, but dialoguing with an actual person has taught be more than I ever imagined. It adds an element of compassion that I wouldn’t get from reading a bunch of facts and figures. Thank you for your time and patience.
    As for God and religion, it’s kinda like medication; you can’t judge it by those who use it improperly. You need to go to the source. Get to know God yourself. He completely reviled himself in the person Jesus Christ. I know God seems a bit demanding, but we have to remind ourselves that He, in his infinite wisdom, is simply trying to gently guide us in the way to live. If we try to live our lives without Him we are doomed to fail. With His guidance we can be happier than we ever dreamed and love deeper than we ever thought possible.
    I did look around your site and I have to say the photos are fantastic, kudos to Kristina! You are a talented, intelligent and beautiful man. I pray that you use your gifts to make this world a better place. And God bless you!
    P.S. as for my email address, I set that up years ago trying to be clever. My real name is Peggy.
    Also, I came to this site because I saw your “quote of the day” on FaceBook, I googled it and it brought me here. I felt compelled to state my opinion. Sorry if it offends you. I hope that you realize that my differing of opinion doesn’t make me think less of you or anyone who agrees with you. We are all human beings with God given dignity and human rights. We all deserve to love and be loved.

    Comment from Brian
    Time October 17, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Peggy, aka Ema,

    Not all Americans are Christian. Thank “God” that contracts are issued by the government and not the church. I do believe there should be more of a separation of church and state. I agree with you on that statement. I also think that a marriage can be sacred between two members of the same sex who are not religious (or also religious). I never said my marriage is ONLY rights or ONLY a piece of paper but if you stripped a marriage down – without all of the emotional (and in your case, also the religious) elements, that is what it is, especially in the eyes of the law.

    The state doesn’t legislate baptisms, or bar mitzvahs because they are not LEGAL CONTRACTS between two adults. They are religious ceremonys only. Do you not see the difference? Really?

    There is something holy about any union – not just the ones you feel are blessed by your God or your church. Today is my one year wedding anniversary and I have to tell you – my marriage is more than piece of paper and rights to me. But what is to me has absolutely nothing to do with you or anyone else. Just like sex.

    You are right, America needs more marriage. Jonathan Raunch in his article, “Gay Marriage Is Good for America” (located here: http://www.brookings.edu/opinions/2008/0621_gaymarriage_rauch.aspx) states that “America needs more marriages, not fewer, and the best way to encourage marriage is to actually encourage marriage, which is what society does by bringing gay couples inside the tent.” He says, “A good way to discourage marriage, on the other hand, is to tarnish it as discriminatory in the minds of millions of young Americans. Conservatives who object to redefining marriage risk redefining it themselves, as a civil-rights violation.” Food for thought for you….

    Your opinion is that gay marriage in not marriage. Based on your previous comments – it sounds as if the idea that we call it that actually does offend you – which is why you initially posted a comment on this site to begin with. That is fine. Many people disagree. Many voting people – religious and not disagree. More and more, people are coming out in support for gay marriage. Times, they are a-changing.

    I say live and let live. My legal gay marriage is not infringing on your your marriage, or the sanctity you feel for your marriage. And if it is, if my marriage somehow diminishes the idea of your own marriage or somehow makes you feel that this issue “so dear to your heart” is no longer preserved – well that is because of your own views.

    Comment from Brian
    Time October 17, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    I’m going to go and celebrate my wedding anniversary now and enjoy my marriage. Enjoy the rest of your day!

    Comment from Tammy
    Time October 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    I could not help but be saddened by this battle of words. Brian I adore your blog! I am personally a “heterosexually privileged” person, who happens to attend church. I say “heterosexually privileged” because heterosexuals are just that, privileged with rights that the LGBT community is not.
    In my Church we accept the LGBT community and their MARRIAGES. Therefore NOT all churches would agree with “Ema’s” “church”. A God, should you choose to believe in a monotheistic higher power, in my eyes would be seen as a figure who created life on earth just the way s/he wanted it to be. LGBT, heterosexual, bicurious, “genderqueer” (which I do not agree with the terminology and would prefer to call gendercurious), etc. would all be accepted because that is how we were created by this higher figure with the thought of equality, empathy, compassion and love behind the creation.
    Another comment I saw which saddened me was that marriage should be between people who can produce offspring. “Biologically privileged” people exist in heterosexual couples as well as the LGBT community. Many couple suffer infertility (both heterosexual and LGBT) which is devastating to anyone wanting to have a child biologically. Keep in mind there are MANY ways to conceive a child (i.e. “traditionally”, invitro, artificial insemination etc.). My question to “Ema”/Peggy is: Have you never met a homosexual couple, any other members of the LGBT community OR a single heterosexual individual who DO in fact raise offspring and are not married? Adoption is a fabulous option for many couples who are not “Biologically privileged” or cannot physically conceive a child. All of the aforementioned methods of being blessed with a child are viable options to anyone. Since any couple could ultimately raise a child, shouldn’t that mean every couple (regardless of sexual preference) should be able to have a legal marriage?
    I feel saddened by the ignorance behind your claims. However I value your dedication to your religion. A negative side of religion and extreme dedication is that religion can sometimes blind people and cause prejudices to arise. I hope you look more into the issues behind “GAY” marriage and transform your ideas of the world to be more accepting and passionate of the rights ALL humans should have and not just those who are in a “STRAIGHT” marriage. Marriage is marriage, the love and bond between that monogamous relationship, regardless of sexual preference, is irreplaceable and should not be questioned. It is offensive to many members of not just the LGBT community but many members of the straight community as well. I will not respond and involve myself in further dialogue with “Ema”/Peggy, I simply wanted to voice my opinion as a strong LGBT advocate who is very active in the community. Equality in the United States is a hoax, there is no such thing as “equal rights” at this point and time, one can only hope and push toward a brighter future of true EQUAL RIGHTS.

    Comment from Brian
    Time October 26, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    Thank you for your kind words, Tammy. I appreciate your perspective on this topic, as I’m sure many of my readers do as well!

    You were right when you said, “Equality in the United States is a hoax.” I agree with that and I’m sure many people here agree too.

    While I am saddened sometimes too when conversations swing this way, I have to remind myself that we are lucky to live in a country where we can have this type of open dialogue. That I can have this information published on the web so that others can benefit from it. These are hot topics which ignite ferocious passion and opinion.

    Someone recently asked me why I didn’t just shut off the comments. It would have been easy for me to do that and end the conversation entirely, however that would go against the whole purpose of what a blog is. Thank you all for taking the time to comment and thank you all for the education these comments will bring others. After all – that is how we destroy ignorance; through education.

    XO
    Brian

    Comment from Luisa
    Time October 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Things have changed from thousands of years ago.

    Your perspective of “GOD” the imaginary man in the sky that said, YOU CAN MARRY and YOU CANNOT is bullshit, and there is no other way for me to say it poetically.

    HOMOSEXUALITY has existed since the socratic times, and FINALLY can we have the same rights as the ‘straight’ people.

    There was a time when WOMEN weren’t considered persons EMA, do you think we should go back and adopt that TRUTH because thousands of years ago, “GOD” said women weren’t people?

    Comment from Ab
    Time February 27, 2012 at 12:02 am

    Emma!! Protecting our children, my dear then maybe we should start by shutting down churches and schools!! In “THE HOUSE OF GOD” is where many children needed protection! ;)

    Comment from phowell
    Time July 15, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    When people harken back to the “traditional” definition of marriage defined by the Bible, they clearly have not done their Bible-reading homework. Here are some Cliff Notes for them. http://www.upworthy.com/the-top-8-ways-to-be-traditionally-married-according-to-the-bible?g=3

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