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    over a year ago
  • The Ceremony Script

    Our ceremony was a blend of all of the things we liked from other weddings (writers unknown) made personal by interviews and conversations both one-on-one and as a group with Tom and I and our officiant, Susan. We believe we concocted a non-traditional wedding ceremony script that was extremely personal and true to who we are as a couple. It was a beautiful and funny ceremony delivered by one of our favorite people in the world that will live in our memory and hearts forever. For those of you that weren’t able to make it, here it is:


    OFFICIANT:Bienvenidos Todos. Welcome all loved ones, family and friends alike, as we gather today to celebrate the union of Brian James Edwards and Thomas Vincent Privitere.

    It is my honor to be standing here and I want to thank you on behalf of Tom and Brian for gathering on this beautiful beach to support them on this very special day. The fact that you have traveled such a great distance to be here today is a testament of your love and support.

    Many of you have given them much happiness, love and guidance throughout their lives and Tom wanted me to acknowledge that some of you have not.

    In addition, the grooms ask that we take a moment to respectfully acknowledge those who have passed on and those who were unable to attend. They are all with us in spirit today and we feel their love.

    I would like to ask you all a question. Will you pledge to give your continuing love and support as Tom and Brian work to build a happy and enduring marriage? If so, please say, “I will.”


    I would like to point out that we find ourselves at a considerable advantage today; this isn’t a shotgun wedding because neither Tom nor Brian is with child, this isn’t a religious ceremony where we have to thank specific deities or drink wine from a chalice, and I am the farthest thing from an ordained anything.

    We are here to celebrate Tom and Brian. Celebrate their individuality, who they are as a couple, and who they will become as husbands.


    A few weeks ago, I met with Tom and with Brian one-on-one to discuss their thoughts on this marriage. I discovered that for both of them, marriage is a public announcement of their undying commitment to one another; a bond between two people who look forward to sharing their lives together though the good and the bad. To both Tom and Brian, this marriage does not mark the beginning of a new relationship; it is an acknowledgement and a celebration of a relationship that has been flourishing for a long time. 10 years in fact.

    Brian was young and in college and Tom wasn’t.

    Was it love at first sight? Well, not in the way the movies play it but there was a spark. There was definitely a spark.

    And so, Tom and Brian I’d like to ask you each a question.

    What brings you here today, Brian?

    BRIAN: My love for Tom and my excitement to be his husband.

    OFFICIANT: What brings you here today, Tom?

    TOM: A boat. And my love for Brian and my excitement to be his husband.

    OFFICIANT: I asked the boys what it was that made them fall in love with each other and they both came up with their individual lists. I have them here…

    Brian and Tom, would you mind sharing your answers with one another at this time?

    BRIAN: Your thoughtfulness and generosity like the time you brought me a care package during my undergraduate midterms stuffed with cigarettes, beer and slim jims, your unyielding support – like assisting me with graduate school or driving to NC to be with me when my grandmother passed away, your unique sense of humor making me laugh daily, your constant and incessant cheerful disposition and yes, even your stubbornness which challenges me at every turn.

    OFFICIANT: Tom?

    TOM: Your charm, your ability to embrace life and your adventurous spirit like when you told the cab driver to just take us to MY house after our first date. Your willingness to take risks like going back to school to get your masters degree; your desire to live life to its fullest because there isn’t a roller coaster to high for you or a zip line too fast, your bedroom eyes that I love seeing before I go to sleep and waking up to every morning and your southern accent (said with a southern accent).

    OFFICIANT: Tom and Brian, these are the qualities you treasure most about each other; Remind yourselves of them each and every day. A successful relationship takes more than just love. With open hearts and full disclosure Tom and Brian have come here today, after considerable thought and reflection, after over 9 years of dating and 7 years of co- habitation to pledge their marriage to one another.

    By making this commitment your relationship will become stronger and deeper and even more filled with love. But we all know that is not going to erase the differences you two have.

    Marriage is not going to change Tom’s taste in music or fashion and it’s not going to make Brian do the dishes or make the bed with hospital corners. Marriage is not going to stop Tom from snoring or stop Brian from spending hours on the computer. Marriage is not going to stop the fights in the car. However, knowing what your partner needs to be happy and being willing to provide it is something you both do very well.


    Tom and Brian, you have chosen to walk through life hand in hand. There is no truer statement of love. Your choice to be together was not defined by a single moment, but by countless special ones. You belong together. The foundation of your love is profound friendship.


    THE HAND CEREMONY:

    Tom and Brian, please face one another other and take each other’s hands.

    These are the hands of your best friend, full of love for you, holding yours on your wedding day
    These are the hands that will scratch your back when you have an itch you can’t reach
    These are the hands that will help decorate your Christmas tree
    These are the hands that will dial your number just to say hello – when you’ve been missed throughout the day
    These are the hands that, at times, will want to strangle you
    These are the hands that will passionately love and cherish you through the years
    These are the hands that will hold you for comfort and tickle you for joy
    These are the hands that will wipe the tears from your eyes
    These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children
    These are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch


    VOWS:

    Anne and Christina, can you please pass the rings forward.

    Tom and Brian, your wedding rings represent the unconditional love that you have for one another and are a symbol of the vows that you will make today.

    Tom, please take this ring and place it on Brian’s finger and repeat after me: I, Tom take you Brian, to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love.
    TOM: I, Tom take you Brian, to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love.
    OFFICIANT: I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever.
    TOM: I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever.
    OFFICIANT: I will trust you and respect you; I will laugh with you and cry with you.
    TOM: I will trust you and respect you; I will laugh with you and cry with you.
    OFFICIANT: I will love you faithfully and unconditionally through the best and the worst, the difficult and the easy.
    TOM: I will love you faithfully and unconditionally through the best and the worst, the difficult and the easy.
    OFFICIANT: Whatever may come, I promise I will always be there for you.
    TOM: Whatever may come, I promise I will always be there for you.


    OFFICIANT: Brian, take this ring, put it on Tom’s finger and repeat after me: I, Brian take you Tom, to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love.
    BRIAN: I, Brian take you Tom, to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love.
    OFFICIANT: I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever.
    BRIAN: I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever.
    OFFICIANT: I will trust you and respect you, I will laugh with you and cry with you.
    BRIAN: I will trust you and respect you, I will laugh with you and cry with you.
    OFFICIANT: I will love you faithfully and unconditionally through the best and the worst, the difficult and the easy.
    BRIAN: I will love you faithfully and unconditionally through the best and the worst, the difficult and the easy.
    OFFICIANT: Whatever may come, I promise I will always be there for you.
    BRIAN: Whatever may come, I promise I will always be there for you.


    OFFICIANT:By the Power vested in me as one of your many friends who loves you very much, it is my privilege to stand here on this the seventeenth of October in 2010, to pronounce you Thomas Vincent Privitere and you Brian James Edwards as husbands for life.You may kiss your husband.

    Comments

    Comment from Jen
    Time November 3, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    Beautiful.

    Comment from Brian
    Time November 3, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    Thanks Jen!

    Comment from Brian
    Time November 3, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    Stephen discusses our hand ceremony on his website here: http://wwcitizen.livejournal.com/321165.html

    Comment from Jay
    Time November 4, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    Truly beautiful….you guys are great…

    Comment from Kristin
    Time November 8, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    That is beautiful!!! I LOVE the hand ceremony – so simple and beautiful!!

    Comment from Rosa
    Time November 8, 2010 at 10:01 pm

    Brial & Tom- Absolutely love it from start to finish!

    Comment from Susan
    Time November 14, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    What a life affirming experience it was, Brian to stand there and be with you and Tom and your wonderful family and friends in that glorious, romantic locale, with the waves behind us–to look at your faces, and to feel the charged emotions we were all experiencing. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I loved being there, participating and most of all, I love you both for offering me the opportunity.

    Pingback from Added Pressure: Planning The First Gay Wedding Your Friends & Family Have Ever Attended | So You’re EnGAYged
    Time November 17, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    [...] be recreated. But none of them can. All weddings are unique- like snowflakes. They are more than a ceremony script or bridesmaids dresses or invitations. They are more than favors or floral arrangements or songs [...]

    Pingback from Destination Wedding Recap 3: The Ceremony – So You're EnGAYged, A Gay Wedding Blog
    Time January 7, 2011 at 9:04 am

    [...] was a beautiful, funny (if I do say so myself) ceremony written by us and officiated by our friend Susan. I had always thought I wanted a large wedding, however [...]

    Comment from nadine
    Time January 18, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    oh wow

    Comment from daniel
    Time May 16, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    oh wow, i’m only 14 but now know what to look forward to. thanks for putting this online and congratulations the both of you.

    Comment from Deb
    Time July 3, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    Brian & Tom, thanks for sharing your touching ceremony script. It has inspired me for my upcoming wedding to my best friend. :)

    Comment from Brian
    Time October 10, 2011 at 11:52 am

    I am so glad that this script is being received so well and I am honored that man of you want to use it as inspiration for your own weddings. XO

    Comment from Christi
    Time July 12, 2012 at 1:44 am

    I love this!!! It is by far my favorite so far. I almost got teary eyed and I don’t even know you Tom or you Brian! I am going to try to use a similar style while writing ours for our wedding this September. Thank you so much for sharing!

    Comment from Kevin
    Time July 13, 2012 at 3:54 am

    Wow, this brought tears to my eyes. I feel the same way for my partner that Tom and Brian feel for each other. I hope you don’t mind if I use parts of this for our wedding which is coming VERY soon. God bless you both, it was a pleasure to stumble upon this page!

    Pingback from The Gay Wedding Experience » Quote of the Week: Wilferd A. Peterson
    Time July 20, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    [...] The Ceremony Script [...]

    Comment from S.Edwards
    Time May 3, 2013 at 10:39 am

    this is so sweet! i want to use the hand ceremony at my wedding!!!

    Comment from Mim
    Time July 24, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    This is absolutely beautiful! I don’t know either of you, but reading this has both made me laugh and brought tears to my eyes. It inspired my partner and I in writing our own ceremony.

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